Everything I ever needed to learn when first coming to Vietnam, I learned from my good buddy Tim Holtan. Before coming back to Vietnam for my first time in 1996, I had lots of questions and luckily Tim was there to answer them. We were also roommates in Hanoi back then so it was good to have him show me the ropes while I got settled in a strange place. While some of these rules to live by might seem insensitive I can only say you have to live here to understand.
1. Don’t ask, just accept it
When Tim and I were studying Vietnamese, another student Ong Lou (Mr. Lou)would often interrupt the class excusing himself, “xi xi xin loi” usually asking what everyone deemed as a stupid question like why do Vietnamese shake with 2 hands to show respect? Tim’s response was don’t ask, just accept. While it’s interesting to learn culture and tradition, some things you just gotta accept!
2. Don’t watch them wash the dishes
Many times eating Pho or rice at a street stall, I was often told not to look over to the side where there’d be someone ‘washing’ the dishes. Tim’s advice to me was not to look or I’d throw up. Over time, I’m quite used to seeing this quick scrub and dunk into what looks like murky water that’s been used and reused through many cycles. FYI, locals usually wipe their bowls and utensils with a napkin. This helps you at least feel like your dishes and utensils are cleaner.
3. Don’t help, just watch
There were many times I'd see someone drop something or have a minor accident. I clearly remember riding on the motorbike with Tim and seeing a cyclo rider in Hanoi carrying what seemed like 100 bags of rice. He turned the intersection ever so slowly and dropped a few bags. This blocked the road for a few minutes while everyone just watched him heave his bags back onto the cyclo.
4. Have a beer in the morning
I can now say that drinking alcohol at anytime of the day is no big deal. While it seems to mostly be men drinking throughout the day, alcohol consumption carries no guilt and fondly associated with social bonding. Upon finding an apartment to settle into, Tim and I were invited to what I thought would be a mid morning coffee with the landlord. Sure enough, he offered up some beers. Okay, sure!
5. Don’t try to do too much in one day
I like lists. Shopping lists, packing lists, lists lists lists… I guess it’s a neurosis of mine, but I like things organized. Well my penchant for order didn’t really fit with the way Vietnamese do things on the fly. In my first weeks after finishing my Vietnamese class I was determined to set out to do things including looking for work, regularly mailing family and friends, plus other errands. I jotted these things and mentioned them to Tim. However, as time went on I understood I couldn’t get everything accomplished due to circumstances beyond my control. Oh, the post office was on extended lunch break, the HR Company rescheduled again, where do I get that thing I wanted to buy…oh I’ll just wait to ask so and so.
6. Just call her "Em"
To the untrained ear, Vietnamese names are hard to catch at first. Because all words are monosyllabic so it’s like hearing someone sneeze or a quick whooshing sound, “ZOOM, CHIN, CHANG..” However, Vietnamese names are very beautiful with poetic meanings like moonlight, perfume river or hero. Maybe it was the age range, but most Hanoian girls Tim and I met in 1996 were named Huong which means perfume. So while many names are common, Tim broke it down for me,” Just assume every girl you meet is younger than you and call them Em it’s easier than remembering their names.” Em is the pronoun used to address anyone younger than you within approximately 10 years. Em!
7. It’s hot in Vietnam!
Before I even returned to Vietnam, I was really curious about knowing what the place looks like to which Tim mentioned it’s hard to explain when comparing it to places in the US. He said it’s tropical so a little bit like Hawaii or Southern California, but still nothing in the US really compared to the appearance of Vietnam. However, one thing he could clearly tell me was that, “it’s hot in Vietnam!” While I’ve been through heat waves in New York, nothing could prepare me for the sweltering oppressive and what seemed like neverending summer heat in Hanoi where temperatures are close to 100 everyday with nearly 100% humidity. I felt like I was lightheaded, the same way you feel dizzy when you've had one too many to drink, but it was just the heat doing this. The simple answer to this is stay out of the midday heat!
8. Watch what I eat
When you’re invited to a friend’s house for a meal or event, it’s not uncommon they go out of their way to cook dishes for you to try. While Vietnamese commonly eat rice, meat, vegetables and a light soup with some fruit as dessert, they often bust out a handful of dishes for you, the guest of honor. This was the case when I attended Tim’s friend’s house where about 10 of us sat in a circle on the floor with what seemed like an ocean of food between us, bowls and dishes filling the middle. Since I love to eat I thought I’d just try most dishes which were great, but some not as great. That’s when I realized not even the family was eating all of the dishes, especially those not so great dishes. Rather then going over the multitude of dishes (some common, some strange), Tim just said watch what I eat. Easy enough!
9. Look to the side, don’t look forward
Traffic in Vietnam is crowded, noisy and a mess. Sitting on the back of the motorbike watching Tim weave through traffic was impressive; however watching oncoming traffic nearly hit/miss you by inches every minute can make you almost shit your pants. Better to just look to the side and enjoy the secenery.
10. Learn how to ride a motorbike
Tim and I were leaving our hotel to meet a couple of friends, two girls Tim knew through work when he previously lived in Hanoi. They showed up on separate motorbikes to pick us up. Tim naturally jumped on the front of one and since I just arrived and never rode a motorbike before I jumped on the back of one of the girl’s Honda Dream. When we took off, Tim leaned over telling to me to learn how to ride a motorbike (1) everyone does (2) learn to drive a girl around, it just doesn’t look right with her riding you. I soon after learned to ride a motorbike which is great for getting around. Also, you do sometimes see guys riding on the back of a girl’s motorbike, but it's mostly foreigners who tend to be significantly bigger than the girl. It just doesn’t look right.
1. Don’t ask, just accept it
When Tim and I were studying Vietnamese, another student Ong Lou (Mr. Lou)would often interrupt the class excusing himself, “xi xi xin loi” usually asking what everyone deemed as a stupid question like why do Vietnamese shake with 2 hands to show respect? Tim’s response was don’t ask, just accept. While it’s interesting to learn culture and tradition, some things you just gotta accept!
2. Don’t watch them wash the dishes
Many times eating Pho or rice at a street stall, I was often told not to look over to the side where there’d be someone ‘washing’ the dishes. Tim’s advice to me was not to look or I’d throw up. Over time, I’m quite used to seeing this quick scrub and dunk into what looks like murky water that’s been used and reused through many cycles. FYI, locals usually wipe their bowls and utensils with a napkin. This helps you at least feel like your dishes and utensils are cleaner.
3. Don’t help, just watch
There were many times I'd see someone drop something or have a minor accident. I clearly remember riding on the motorbike with Tim and seeing a cyclo rider in Hanoi carrying what seemed like 100 bags of rice. He turned the intersection ever so slowly and dropped a few bags. This blocked the road for a few minutes while everyone just watched him heave his bags back onto the cyclo.
4. Have a beer in the morning
I can now say that drinking alcohol at anytime of the day is no big deal. While it seems to mostly be men drinking throughout the day, alcohol consumption carries no guilt and fondly associated with social bonding. Upon finding an apartment to settle into, Tim and I were invited to what I thought would be a mid morning coffee with the landlord. Sure enough, he offered up some beers. Okay, sure!
5. Don’t try to do too much in one day
I like lists. Shopping lists, packing lists, lists lists lists… I guess it’s a neurosis of mine, but I like things organized. Well my penchant for order didn’t really fit with the way Vietnamese do things on the fly. In my first weeks after finishing my Vietnamese class I was determined to set out to do things including looking for work, regularly mailing family and friends, plus other errands. I jotted these things and mentioned them to Tim. However, as time went on I understood I couldn’t get everything accomplished due to circumstances beyond my control. Oh, the post office was on extended lunch break, the HR Company rescheduled again, where do I get that thing I wanted to buy…oh I’ll just wait to ask so and so.
6. Just call her "Em"
To the untrained ear, Vietnamese names are hard to catch at first. Because all words are monosyllabic so it’s like hearing someone sneeze or a quick whooshing sound, “ZOOM, CHIN, CHANG..” However, Vietnamese names are very beautiful with poetic meanings like moonlight, perfume river or hero. Maybe it was the age range, but most Hanoian girls Tim and I met in 1996 were named Huong which means perfume. So while many names are common, Tim broke it down for me,” Just assume every girl you meet is younger than you and call them Em it’s easier than remembering their names.” Em is the pronoun used to address anyone younger than you within approximately 10 years. Em!
7. It’s hot in Vietnam!
Before I even returned to Vietnam, I was really curious about knowing what the place looks like to which Tim mentioned it’s hard to explain when comparing it to places in the US. He said it’s tropical so a little bit like Hawaii or Southern California, but still nothing in the US really compared to the appearance of Vietnam. However, one thing he could clearly tell me was that, “it’s hot in Vietnam!” While I’ve been through heat waves in New York, nothing could prepare me for the sweltering oppressive and what seemed like neverending summer heat in Hanoi where temperatures are close to 100 everyday with nearly 100% humidity. I felt like I was lightheaded, the same way you feel dizzy when you've had one too many to drink, but it was just the heat doing this. The simple answer to this is stay out of the midday heat!
8. Watch what I eat
When you’re invited to a friend’s house for a meal or event, it’s not uncommon they go out of their way to cook dishes for you to try. While Vietnamese commonly eat rice, meat, vegetables and a light soup with some fruit as dessert, they often bust out a handful of dishes for you, the guest of honor. This was the case when I attended Tim’s friend’s house where about 10 of us sat in a circle on the floor with what seemed like an ocean of food between us, bowls and dishes filling the middle. Since I love to eat I thought I’d just try most dishes which were great, but some not as great. That’s when I realized not even the family was eating all of the dishes, especially those not so great dishes. Rather then going over the multitude of dishes (some common, some strange), Tim just said watch what I eat. Easy enough!
9. Look to the side, don’t look forward
Traffic in Vietnam is crowded, noisy and a mess. Sitting on the back of the motorbike watching Tim weave through traffic was impressive; however watching oncoming traffic nearly hit/miss you by inches every minute can make you almost shit your pants. Better to just look to the side and enjoy the secenery.
10. Learn how to ride a motorbike
Tim and I were leaving our hotel to meet a couple of friends, two girls Tim knew through work when he previously lived in Hanoi. They showed up on separate motorbikes to pick us up. Tim naturally jumped on the front of one and since I just arrived and never rode a motorbike before I jumped on the back of one of the girl’s Honda Dream. When we took off, Tim leaned over telling to me to learn how to ride a motorbike (1) everyone does (2) learn to drive a girl around, it just doesn’t look right with her riding you. I soon after learned to ride a motorbike which is great for getting around. Also, you do sometimes see guys riding on the back of a girl’s motorbike, but it's mostly foreigners who tend to be significantly bigger than the girl. It just doesn’t look right.
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