the perfect shape, by Khanh Duy Nguyen Oehlke

the perfect shape,
i've come full circle.
far from home,
i've come so far.

we know the story far too well,
as we size, share, and compare the scars.

in quest of self,
we have found each other.in the company of strangers,
we have found a brother.

we know the story all too well.
we know the love of a child and mother.

blood has proven wider than oceans.
skin has proven only so deep.
ignorance once fueled a fire
self-awareness and understanding has laid to sleep.

i will return
to where i've never been.
again. and my friend,
i will see you there.

together, we will walk the shape that has brought us so far.
we will make the shape that has brought us home.

Comments

Nurture versus Nurture

We cannot definitely say what part of us is biological and what part is a product of our environment is, but for some adoptee friends coming back to Vietnam has resolved some of these issues and helped us figure out ourselves. Being able to look at your biological family might answer a lot of questions for who you are, but take this away and then you can only go back to the environment you originally came from. When asking Kai what part of him is Vietnamese, he confidently says that he can relate to how people here share, especially in the family. For Kai, there’s no doubt that he’s willing to share and take care of those around him which is obvious by his generous and friendly nature. What brought Kai back to Vietnam was a gradual process of learning Vietnamese culture, first back in Munich and continues in the present now living in Ho Chi Minh City. Unlike my experience in the US, Kai did not have the same early opportunities to attend adoptee reunions to learn about Vietnam and meet

The Value of A Life

My wife looked up me after checking her phone and I immediately knew something was wrong since she must have had a dozen missed calls in the past hour. I too had a few. It was her mom, her brother, and sister calling one after the other as if they were saying to drop everything and just go. Her grandmother had passed away and she needed to get back to her parent’s place in the countryside as if nothing else needed to be explained. My wife and daughter packed a bag to leave early the next day and I would join later in the evening after finishing work. The next evening I finally arrived at the funeral, I noticed that the immediate family members were all dressed in white robes and wore head wraps that symbolized rank according to the proximity to the deceased as well as age. Other close relatives wore white headbands, the younger children in orange headbands, and everyone else wore dark clothing and black headbands. A funeral band played traditional Vietnamese music with the droni

Crash Course to Living in Vietnam

Everything I ever needed to learn when first coming to Vietnam, I learned from my good buddy Tim Holtan . Before coming back to Vietnam for my first time in 1996, I had lots of questions and luckily Tim was there to answer them. We were also roommates in Hanoi back then so it was good to have him show me the ropes while I got settled in a strange place. While some of these rules to live by might seem insensitive I can only say you have to live here to understand. 1. Don’t ask, just accept it When Tim and I were studying Vietnamese, another student Ong Lou (Mr. Lou)would often interrupt the class excusing himself, “xi xi xin loi” usually asking what everyone deemed as a stupid question like why do Vietnamese shake with 2 hands to show respect? Tim’s response was don’t ask, just accept. While it’s interesting to learn culture and tradition, some things you just gotta accept! 2. Don’t watch them wash the dishes Many times eating Pho or rice at a street stall, I was often told not to

Vietnamese Adoptees Living in Vietnam

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